Five Minute Free Write Day 2: Paint


When I think of the word paint, I think of the program on my computer that allows my kiddos to make pictures. I have a whole file of these pictures that my children have made over the years. They start with the heads that have arms and legs attached. Then they slowly move into more detailed images. This is a picture of my 3 youngest drawn by my youngest daughter when she was about 8. These pictures are as precious to me  as any of my "real" pictures. They chronicle our life through the eyes of my children. Everyone is smiling, the sun is always shining and everything is good, safe and happy.
As we have traveled through the years of my paralysis, I put a whole new emphasis on the art that my children produce. I ask myself questions like: "Is this dark?" "Are they sad, scared, angry?" I have never seen what I would classify as a "sad" picture. This has given me a real sense of peace, even if it is a false peace.
I am sure that an art therapist could tell me how wrong I am to feel at peace. That children as young as mine were when all of this started, are of course affected deeply by losing "mom". Maybe the pictures they draw are of what they wish our life looked like. I have never asked them. Mainly because I do not think I could handle the answer.
This is where I live most of the time. Trapped in two worlds. The reality that I wish existed for my children and the reality that we live. Both places contain happy faces and sunshine, one just has a little more sunshine in it.:)
For now I will let them "paint" their world, and often times mine, however they like. I will put the doubt to rest and just enjoy the view.

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