Life Beyond The Chair

I couldn't believe it, I was walking through the doors to our home with my daughter! My girlfriends were waiting for me with explosions of pink and floral onesies, booties, hats, and receiving blankets. My friends had been annoyed by my refusal to find out the sex of my baby, they were now clamoring around me and planning a baby shower. As the afternoon wore on and the visitors started leaving, Stephen's sister Beth stopped by to visit and bring supper. however, Beth and I had been pregnant together, she had delivered her son a few months earlier. My relationship with Stephen's family had never been close over the years, however, we supported one another and shared in the joys and sorrows that we all endure. Beth had 2 boys and I knew with her 2ND pregnancy, she had hoped for a girl. I felt a bit uneasy during the visit because the gifts and boxes of hand-me-downs were all over the living room. I didn't want it to appear that I was gloating. I tried to find the word

I found out I was pregnant with Makaela when Max was 7 months old. My first thought as I watched that "plus" sign appear was: "Please God, let this baby be a girl." It was a thought I kept to myself, almost cherished. It was as though this baby knew my deepest desire and had agreed to be a girl. We chose not to find out the sex of our baby, so I was asked a lot about my desire for a girl or boy. I would always answer with: " It doesn't matter, as long as the baby is healthy." or "These babies will be so close in age, Max would love a brother." With each response, I cringed a little inside as these lies would roll off my lips. When I was 6 months pregnant, I had the most vivid dream. The face of a baby girl appeared, about a year old, her beautiful face framed in soft black curls. Her face was floating there smiling, and a voice whispered: "Malaela". I didn't tell anyone about this dream, it seemed silly and maybe even s

This year I have chosen to once again participate in the challenge to write every day for the next 31 days. This year will be a bigger challenge than past years, due to my travel schedule over the next month, and my oldest daughter's wedding on November 10, 2018. It is my daughter's wedding that is the theme for my free writes. Over the next 31 days, I hope to work out both in myself and on the page what it means to have my first child, my oldest daughter getting married.  Over the last year of Makaeala's engagement and during wedding planning moments, I find myself stopping and getting lost in thought, sometimes for long moments of time. I'll be in the store, or working at my computer and my mind will wander back and through the wisps of memories that take me back into the beginnings of what became my daughter and me. It is an odd thing to have a child get married. Makaela has lived on her own for over 3 years, why do I feel like I'm losing her a