Our First Days At Home

I couldn't believe it, I was walking through the doors to our home with my daughter! My girlfriends were waiting for me with explosions of pink and floral onesies, booties, hats, and receiving blankets. My friends had been annoyed by my refusal to find out the sex of my baby, they were now clamoring around me and planning a baby shower.

As the afternoon wore on and the visitors started leaving, Stephen's sister Beth stopped by to visit and bring supper. however, Beth and I had been pregnant together, she had delivered her son a few months earlier. My relationship with Stephen's family had never been close over the years, however, we supported one another and shared in the joys and sorrows that we all endure.

Beth had 2 boys and I knew with her 2ND pregnancy, she had hoped for a girl. I felt a bit uneasy during the visit because the gifts and boxes of hand-me-downs were all over the living room. I didn't want it to appear that I was gloating. I tried to find the words to say as I watched Beth cradle Makaela. What would I want to hear? Is it even okay to be sad about your babies gender?

During my pregnancy, especially when I found out my best friend was carrying a girl, I struggled with thoughts of jealousy. I felt enormous guilt for wanting anything other than a "healthy" baby, no matter what gender he/she would be.The Catholic in me was SURE I had jinxed myself and spent my nights worrying about the outcome of my "jinxed" pregnancy.

As Beth got up to change Makaela's diaper, I decided to hold my tounge. If I had been in Beth's place, I would've wanted to be alone to process out my feelings, talking about it would only embarrass me. I wonder if that was the right decisison. Why can't we moms share these thoughts with one another? Would we find comfort in hearing the whispers of others so similar to our own?

Comments

  1. Emily Ann HupeSeptember 30, 2019 at 12:04 PM

    Thank you so very much! I appreciate all my readers and the journey we are on together. Tomorrow I am starting 31 days of writing my memoir, be sure to tune in.

    ReplyDelete

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