31 Days Of Five Minute Free Writes: Mothering Makaela


free writing

This year I have chosen to once again participate in the challenge to write every day for the next 31 days.

This year will be a bigger challenge than past years, due to my travel schedule over the next month, and my oldest daughter's wedding on November 10, 2018. It is my daughter's wedding that is the theme for my free writes. Over the next 31 days, I hope to work out both in myself and on the page what it means to have my first child, my oldest daughter getting married. 

Over the last year of Makaeala's engagement and during wedding planning moments, I find myself stopping and getting lost in thought, sometimes for long moments of time. I'll be in the store, or working at my computer and my mind will wander back and through the wisps of memories that take me back into the beginnings of what became my daughter and me.

It is an odd thing to have a child get married. Makaela has lived on her own for over 3 years, why do I feel like I'm losing her all over again? Why is my mama heart pulled, and at times hurting? Where will I fit in now? We are both married women does that change things? Am I still needed in a "motherly" role? It's daunting and unfamiliar.

I have no reference for this mother /daughter dance. My own mother and I had no relationship, she left home when I was 10. At times, Makaela has paid the price for being led by her motherless mother. There has been no path, no guidebook, we did our best, we made our way.

By going back, traveling along those 23 years, I hope to find my way, a clue or 2 about where I go from here. To find my place, to give my daughter hers and for a time remember Mothering Makaela










Comments

  1. Congratulations!
    Beautifully written. God's grace has such a loving way of guiding us through parts unknown, motherless mother. I believe He created your pathway, He was your guide, and He made a way when it appeared to be no way. I am so grateful that I stopped by.

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  2. She will need you more than either of you know, right now. She'll need your strength and support. She'll need your love and comfort. She'll need your friendship and protection. You may even find enough space in your new relationship to build a stronger friendship.

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